Certainty level: 40%
Not quite sure how sure I am about this one. I went down to Croydon (Surrey) with my mother to buy her a beret. After doing the shopping, we went to the BHS store restaurant to lunch on fish and chips.
You can guess the rest. Auditory hallucinations my shrink calls them, faithfully recorded on Sony minidisc. Some old cow going on about "see that chap, the one over there, something's wrong with him".
It is quite tiring being attacked by random idiots in the street, or as in this case, by some random, evil old bat in a restaurant. Fortunately it is only a sporadic occurrence. My enemies seem of late reluctant to waste resources in my direction. Should I take this as an insult? Am I not worth the millions of taxpayers money which has been wasted on me? Are the obsessives of MI5 themselves the "nutters" and "really mad" which they accuse me of being? Interestingly this suggestion as to the psychological profiles of Security Service personnel has been made by others... it does lead one to wonder, doesn't it?